Just some skittles

Well, the Crohn's has become Lupus too, and the arthritis is psoriatic arthritis. Just a little, the doc says. Like mild lupus. Just.

More to the blogroll

I will be adding to my links to other blogs - and not just crohn's and UC blogs - but some of the hilarious blogs I have found as I troll the webz.

why? Because laughter is the best medicine. hence the pic.

New view

Yup, I changed my blog a little. I've been ok, liquid vitamins, lots of them as malabsorption is my biggest problem. Oh, and those new Pearls - probiotics. those actually get to my intestines without getting destroyed by my stomach. work better than liquid or yogurt.

so, I decided to change my perspective. Dance a a little, live. Post what I want. Blog what I want. even though I suck at blogging, and I am inconsistent. Oh well.

My favorite thing is to read blogs - during lunch at work. And I only post a comment every now and then.

Hopefully I do better here.

Kickin' ass

Well, I have been doing much better - crohn's wise. I watch my diet and stress - especially stress, as one of my docs said that was utmost important. I take liquid vit's , minerals and probiotics. Helps.

But naturally, other ugly things rear their heads. Started off the year with my mammogram, then needed a sono and now need an MRI. Crap. One breast is much larger than the other, and the lymph channels are swollen on that side of my body. WTH? Oh well, the things to deal with when you have female parts.

At least I got my nose straightened out - it was staph in my nose. Although I still can't breathe at night. I suspect a strange allergy.

I noticed a lot of people with crohn's have some sort of allergy or food allergy. Or psoriasis. or asthma. My friends with crohn's do. One has psoriatic arthritis - and that is awful. he has asthma too, and some allergies. Must be a connection. My immunologist agrees. All tied to the immune system not working properly.

I'm very lucky that I can work and my life hasn't been too compromised by all this. And I remember this every day and tell myself this. And then I send prayers and thoughts to all those whose lives aren't going as they hope.

Coincidence? I think not.

I wasn't sure what I was going to write.........I've been reading everyone else's posts lately, and I felt like I saw a common theme. Or thread or 'feeling'. Hard to put into words.
It started with 'Number Twos' post about his hypno-relaxation technique. I read that, and tried it. I did feel better. I loved it.
Then there was the one about the jars of rice - the 'love' jar and the 'negatve' jar - I'm sorry I can't remember who posted it - all the blogrolls are to the right of my blog - with links. They're for Crohn's and UC - all IBD's and IBS's.
Then someone else said something about striving to be 'perfect' in this world and putting pressure on oneself - and giving yourself a break, and maybe this stress was too much.
I was wondering about these things for a while - why did the relaxation technique make me feel so good? Why those jars of rice - when I talked to myself with the jar of love? Not constantly criticizing myself for the things I wasn't doing or doing right?

Drs say there is a genetic component to IBD, yet no one in my family has it - and there is a trigger to set it off. Stress? A personality trait? Like OCD? Or perfectionism?

I know this may not ring for everyone, and I don't mean it to. And I don't want anyone to think I'm saying it's our fault - we are a product of our genetic make-up, our up-bringing and our experiences. How many of us have been abused, forced to achieve, been forced to be someone we are not, told to hold in our feelings or emotions, told to react a certain way to a crisis?? I know I have...all of them.
Is it a coincidence my Crohn's appeared after my house burned down, and I had to hold it together for my kids...I couldn't react emotionally. And it was the second time in my life I had lost everything to a fire.
So what's the coincidence? Many of us are asking these types of questions. Wondering if we can beat this. I think we can.
I just had a Dr. appt, with my urologist (he takes care of my kidney - other story) and he told me to work on stress and diet first. Stop with all the tests the other Drs kept sending me for - these were only adding to my stress. Take liquid vitamins, B-12 shots and liquid probiotics. Look at holistic approaches. He's a small, older man, who I consider wise. He's conservative and has the best bedside manner. He should be everybody's primary care Dr. Caring and listens. Doesn't like excess x-rays and unecessary tests. he believes medicine has a limited claim to a persons health...a person is first, knows their body and should follow their instincts.

I know many of us have to be on meds - it saves our lives. I'm not against medicine, it's there for a reason. But some of you are questioning, your instincts are telling you something different. There has to be a reason for that too.
I'm thinking there has to be a stress connection - maybe the conversation some of us have with ourselves, in our head. What do we say to ourselves? Is it the 'love jar' or the 'negativity jar'?

I've decided that I'm fed up with Crohn's - it can live with me, but it's not my life. I'm going to be happy, regardless. Every time I 'talk' to myself in a positive way, I feel better. When I feel pain, I relax, I take it easy and I don't feel guilty. Guilt, huh, that's the other one.

Well I rambled enough. Just trying to make sense of things.

Houston we are landing....

So my insurance company finally (after 3 months) authorized my endoscopy with a capsule placement. Why it took so long, I don't know - they suck. And believe it or not I actually have good insurance.

But, I still can't understand why my Dr needs more pictures. Wtf? A friend of mine has a daughter and husband with Crohn's, so she has been thru the ringer, with the illness and insurance companies and Dr's. I asked her about this, and she said they run every test they can to make money. Of course. And I thought they cared. My tests are done at my Drs office, they have their own surgical center, so they do it all. And every test they schedule makes them money.

I've decided I hate Drs. I don't know what else to do. I don't trust them anymore. I know they need to make money, but they are supposed to have taken an oath to help patients. What happened to that? It's called insurance companies.

I'm only going to put up with so much, then I am going to let my family dr treat me. He will do anything for me - he's the only Dr I ever met who actually cares about his patients. He takes good care of my husband and kids too.

I just want to feel well enough to enjoy life and work. If I can't work I lose my insurance, and who's going to give me insurance now? I have a pre-existing condition. I'm fucked.

Insurance is supposed to be for people with chronic illnesses, and to be there when something happens - like car insurance - you have it in case of an accident, right? You pay all year, for the just in case occurance. It's supposed to be the same with health insurance - you pay every month so when you get sick it's there. But what do they do? Find a reason to cancel you so they don't have to cover your illness. So why do we even have it? If you have it thru your employer, they can't cancel you when you get sick, but if you are sick enough and can't work, you lose it anyway.

Catch-22 right?

It seems like the health insurance business is just a big fraud. I'm tempted to take the money I pay for my premiums and put them in a health savings account, and use it for medical expenses. My medical expenses have never equalled the premiums I pay in a year. Sounds like fraud doesn't it?

capsule failure- houston we have a problem....

OK, so my capsule test failed because the damn thing never left my stomach, even after 8 hours! wtf. That's why I have to have it placed now, with an endoscopy. Oh craptacular.

And of course my insurance company doesn't want this - oh big surprise. Do they ever want to pay for anything?

So, now I wait, with no meds for anything since they will interfere with the results. I wait for some pencil-pusher to decide if this is necessary.......while I suffer.

What do I say to insurance pencil-pushers? Karma will bite u in the ass some day. And they know it.